Who does not listen to jam bands, besides me?
I'm a step beyond not listening. What's a jam band? I'll go google it...
Why I hate Jam Bands
By Christian Finnegan
Dear lord, do I hate "jam bands". What is a jam band, you ask? Think Phish. Think Widespread Panic. Think any number of bands who stepped into the smelly breach once Jerry Garcia kicked the bucket. Earlier today, I was doing a little online research (Read: Killing time under the guise of 'creativity') and I stumbled onto a website devoted to jam bands and the unfocused politically retarded wannabe hippies who love them. After a while, I started to notice ow al of the band names had a simlar ring to them. There are a couple of loose guidelines for giving your little cadre of neckbearded jackholes a functional Jam Band name:
* Take two seemingly unrelated words and put them next to eachother. One word should have evoke something vaguely mystical and/or philosophical. The second word should be "funny", e.g. 'turnip' or 'penguin'. If the funny word comes first, the second word should describe a grouping of human beings, such as 'patrol', 'platoon' or 'collective'.
* If you want to give your band a three word name, the middle word should definitely be 'funk'. If you want to get crazy, 'groove' and 'vibe' are acceptable substitutes. However, the last word should still describe a grouping of human beings.
* If you insist on having a one word jam band name, smush two words together. And for god's sake, make sure the first of those two words is 'soul'.
As a fun little game, see if you can separate the actual jam band names from the ones I've made up. Winner gets a Tootsie Roll.
THE NAMES:
1. Emergent Evolution
2. Deep Banana Blackout
3. Metaphysical Spongebath
4. Jerkwater Express
5. Dr. Stickybud
6. Global Funk Council
7. Freedom Funk Ensemble
8. Animatronic Funk Brigade
9. Granola Funk Express
10. Modern Groove Syndicate
11. Galactic Vibe Attache
12. Cousin Fungus
13. Dinosaur Construction Unit
14. Fudgsicle Wormhole
15. Ominous Seapods
16. Hypnotic Clambake
17. SoulHat
18. Soulfarm
19. Soulive
20. Soulfoot
21. Soulwork
22. Souly Soul Funk Contingency
23. Loser McIneedashower
Good luck!
Thanks for the educational post Bruce!
Jam bands are only a portion of what I listen to. I'll listen to pretty much whatever's on, if its country I'll try to take advantage of the first opportunity I get to change it.
I do not generally listen to jam bands but I do think they have artistic and musical credibility (as a whole, I'm sure that some do and some don't when looked at individually).
Quoteif its country I'll try to take advantage of the first opportunity I get to change it.
I've been listening to more country lately.
US 99.5!!! :D
Some great melodies and I love the story country tells. So what's wrong with country? Other than the fact that it's underrated.
To each his own, but I'm just wondering B)
whats the old joke
what do u get when u play country backwards
girlfriend comes back, dog resurrected, lottery winner
car runs
lol
i love rock n roll
lol indeed spuds. And when you play rock and roll backwards Paul is still alive.
Ignorance...
*sigh*
'Spuds, when was the last time you listened to country music?
Anytime outside the past 20 years doesn't count :P
My mom is the same way, "All country is about is trucks and whisky and women leaving"
Shame she hasn't listened to country in the past 10 years or she'd see how ignorant she really was
Everytime I see Shania Twain's body on TV I think country is all right with me!